Quick update, friends!

I just dropped a podcast with Cody Peterson, author of The Shadow of a Figure of Light.

We had a profound conversation about addiction, the search for meaning and how psychedelics may offer new paths for those in recovery.

This is my favorite conversation to date. Check it out here.

Professionally Human

Our world is rapidly changing.

Artificial intelligence and technology are transforming our lives in ways that are diminishing our humanity.

• We spend more time staring at screens than into the eyes of another

• Automation is eliminating jobs that once gave people purpose and dignity

• Data-driven decisions that ignore human intuition and wisdom

• AI-generated content that blurs the line between authentic human expression and machine output

I’ve been feeling the consequences of this lately. And, as a result I thought it would be wise to revisit:

The Lost Art of Seeing Yourself Clearly

Carl Rogers revolutionized psychology by developing what has become one of the most popular therapeutic modalities today: person-centered or humanistic therapy.

In the 50s and 60s, Rogers changed the therapeutic landscape dramatically. Out went psychoanalysis and behaviorism, in came person-centered therapy.

His approach was revolutionary because he emphasized clients expressing "positive emotions" during sessions—a stark contrast to the practices of his time. Most people enter therapy ready to lay their problems at the feet of the therapeutic altar, so this positive approach felt foreign to both clients and practitioners.

What really made Rogers unique was his belief that the client, not himself, was the expert in the room. He often believed that clients already know what to do and have the answers; they just need to see themselves and their situation clearly.

Rogers was not emotionally detached from his clients (like many of the psychoanalysts before him), he was emotionally involved with his clients.

Rogers served as a mirror for positive emotions, modeling:

• Empathy

• Genuineness

• Unconditional positive regard (love)

What’s so astonishing about using Rogers’ therapeutic approach is that it feels like (as the therapist) you’re doing nothing. For example, consider a client who sees themselves as a perpetual failure in relationships—when you simply reflect back the courage in their vulnerability and capacity for genuine connection in the here and now, they begin to recognize strengths they've been blind to for years.

This transformation occurs as you sit in a room, offering love (both silently and verbally), and watching them grow.

What's remarkable is how much healing can be done when you simply:

1) View people accurately, showcasing that you see it all (both good and bad).

2) Focus attention on their positive qualities (with love).

3) Watch them improve their own lives (with a smile and gentle guidance)

This effectiveness stems from a fundamental truth:

Everyone is flawed and beautiful, fearful and courageous, struggling and tenacious.

And, sometimes we need a mirror (a friend, family member, or therapist) because we do not see ourselves accurately. In fact, psychological research has proven that we tend to exaggerate our bad qualities.

Why Your Self-Perception is Flawed

Rogers recognized that our view of ourselves is often distorted. This misperception isn't random or unique—it's systematic and affects nearly everyone.

Let's explore why.

1) Cultural Perfectionism

If perfectionism were a coin, shame would be on one side and control on the other.

Underneath perfectionism lies an internal monologue that sounds something like this:

“If I can do ALL the right things (perfectionism), I can get the right result (control), and then I’ll finally feel okay (antidote to toxic shame).”

Our western culture, shiny social media profiles and all, runs on perfectionism.

It stems from deep feelings of inadequacy that’s propagated by capitalistic cabals and our digital world where only highlight reels are visible.

2) Negativity Bias

The human brain is a pessimist.

It sees negative things as more important than positive ones, manifesting in:

• Cognition (allowing us to prioritize information that is urgent) 

• Emotions (allowing us to avoid circumstances that are painful)

• Social Dynamics (allowing us to stay connected within a tribe)

It’s why we perceive the loss of something as more painful than the joy of gaining it and why we perceive negative feedback as more valuable than positive.

This evolutionary adaptation is a feature and not a bug. The cavemen who noticed and conquered every problem are our ancestors. Those who reveled in gratitude and appreciation for the beauty of the world aren’t.

So, its necessary for survival but…

This negativity bias doesn't just affect how we see the world—it warps how we see ourselves. When reflecting on your day, your mind naturally gravitates toward that one critical comment rather than the five compliments. This isn't a personal failing, it's your brain doing exactly what evolution designed it to do: scan for problems to solve.

You need to account for this type of thinking every single day.

The “Radical” Solution

The lack of insight around these two complexes, one cultural and one evolutionary, causes people immense pain.

I see it in myself, and I’ve seen it in just about every client I’ve worked with (literally hundreds).

But, good news, it’s avoidable.

1) Acceptance

Your brain is doing a number on you because that’s what culture and nature designed it to do! Accept it, account for it, and rise above it.

The only way to overcome your mind, is to become the person that creates space for it to roam freely.

In practice? It's catching yourself in the act of self-judgment: "ah, there's my negativity bias again." It's writing down three things you did well today when your mind only wants to replay your mistakes. It's allowing yourself to feel disappointed without concluding you're a disappointment.

2) Strong relationships

Do not let toxic shame and perfectionism drive you into isolation.

When you understand that you do not see yourself accurately, you understand the importance of people. ChatGPT cannot replace real people (or real therapy).

Look for people who demonstrate what Rogers valued: empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard.

These are the people that will reflect your true self back to you, not the funhouse mirrors of your own mind.

Lean into loved ones who smother you with empathy, genuine feedback, and love. Tell them when you need reassurance. Unapologetically ask for what you need, this is not being "needy," this is being human.

3) Compassionate Self-Inquiry

Most closely associated with Dr. Gabor Mate, compassionate self-inquiry helps people uncover the root causes of their emotional pain, patterns, and addictions.

It’s a way of turning inward with curiosity, not judgement.

It’s about becoming aware of your thoughts, emotions, and body sensations while asking gentle questions that lead you back to the truth. When you notice self-judgment, pause and ask yourself:

• "Would I speak this way to someone I love?"

• "What would I say to a friend facing this exact situation?"

• "What strength am I demonstrating just by facing this challenge?"

This practice creates a pause between your automatic negative thoughts and your response to them. It leverages your natural empathy for others and redirects it toward yourself.

Like any workout regimen, consistency matters more than intensity.

Start with just one self-compassion inquiry per day and eventually you'll find yourself automatically questioning the validity of your harshest self-criticisms.

If you have negative emotions, make mistakes, and occasionally do bad things—there is nothing wrong with you.

PLEASE ALLOW ROOM FOR YOUR HUMANITY.

The world doesn't need your perfection—it needs your authentic self.

With love and healing,

Brian Maierhofer (Professional Human)